Thursday, November 16, 2006

Frisbee in the wind.

The little aliens who pilot my flying saucer are called Trixie, Sparki (with a heart over the i), Hunny (she likes Winnie-the-Pooh), Nina and Fay. Trixie likes to fly vertically, rolling through the air and giggling wildly. Sparki gets distracted by the talent, discussing the grace of the catchers she flies farther and faster away from them hoping they'll run or jump. Hunny tries to make the others throw up with her sudden changes of altitude. Nina starts fights over the controls and then someone will bring out the jelly and it all turns to custard.

Today Fay was behaving for me though, she might be setting me up for something, but anyway, she flew spinny and flat through the wind like the grown-up pilots other people have over and over again.

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Saturday, October 07, 2006

Perhaps someone braver.

My cake was almost finished when Gabriel slid onto the bench opposite me, dropping a satchel at our feet, eyes rolling to the cracked ceiling of the old coffee shop and I knew it was couple trouble.

"I'm so had it with Taylor! Going on and on about wanting me to have babies. You'd think I was some kind of stay-home frumpy earth mother!"
"Wow. Taylor's so ambitious I thought they'd be planning to do it both ways simultaneously and you'd be staying home with the twins." It's old ground but I'm compelled to cover it anyway, "Maybe they're sick of you going to clubs and shooting darts into strangers."
"Hey; I wouldn't let anyone knock me up who didn't love me."
"Yeah, but I don't know how much Taylor cares about that when there's probably half a dozen little Gabriels running around that you don't know about," very old ground.
"Hah! We met at the Lactuca, Taylor so knows we all use birth control. No-one wants a club baby, such a hassle and no idea whether the father has any talents besides slow dancing." Gabriel's beautiful mouth isn't smiling but the bright brown eyes are crinkling in the way that every partner, from me onwards, has found so addictive.
"Baby'd slow your dancing down for sure." I get a sharply amused glance, and a jab of alertness to the pulse. I flush and remind myself I have too much to lose. I take a long sup of my latte. By the time I look up Gabriel's looking out the window, watching the old river flowing past. Above the curve of the cheekbone I can just see where the fine lines of a crow's footprint would be if they were still smiling. I lick my finger and pick up the delicious last crumbs with surface tension.

Still examining the optimistic fish rising for the orange leaves that drift past on the river's current, Gabriel asks, not quite lightly enough for the line,
"You think I'd be an okay Mum?" and turns to look at me. Why do you care what I think? What is the right answer here?
"... with the right person as a Dad, you'd be fabulous."
"Do you think Taylor's the right person?"
"Oh, I don't know. I do think you need someone who'd look after you and the children. Someone who would love them because they were yours as much as because they were theirs. Someone who would stick by you when you were sick and grumpy and all touched out for a couple of years."
"Someone like a best friend?"
I can't not meet those brown eyes, they light, and the question between us burns my words away.

(In Tim's loo there's a copy of Science News with an article about Nico Michiels' research on internally fertilizing, simultaneous hermaphrodites. It tells how, as Nature usually favours the parent who puts less effort into children and has more of them, if you were a hermaphrodite you'd want to be the sperm donor rather than the mother in any given sexual encounter.)

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Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Ten lies about me.

Ruth did this, and I wondered what it would be like to do it too. Actually it was much harder than I expected. (Go on, you try).
  1. I am deeply unhappy on the inside. I just like to keep up appearances for practice.
  2. I have no pride, envy nor shame. I don't care what anyone thinks or does. I am amoral and cheat whenever I can get away with it.
  3. I think men and women are intrinsically completely different and incommensurable. So I can't tell what men think and I don't care what women think because all they are is competition. In fact, I don't really like other people much at all.
  4. I'd like to throw my computer out the window. The "friends" I have on the internet aren't real to me, which is why I have no secrets from you o web.
  5. My children are ugly and boring. My partner is ugly and boring too. I, on the other hand, am possessed of unearthly beauty; which makes up for my dullness in conversation and in bed.
  6. I'm ambitious but my career success is wholly due to my hard work, perfectionism and rigidly keeping to a tight schedule. I am often humbled by the creative intelligence of other people.
  7. I do all my own housework because I just can't trust anyone else to do it well enough.
  8. I wish I could wear beige, taupe, grey and a little olive green but I fear my personality would be drowned by them. I just can't carry off that sophisticated sort of look.
  9. Parenthood has not changed me.
  10. I'm sure the person painting my house has finished by now. He's a great manager and I really liked having him around these last seven months. I will get him to do the interiors as soon as possible.

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