Thursday, April 30, 2009

Often, all a complaint needs is to be heard.

Actively listening to children. 
  • Focus your attention on the speaker. 
  • Stop everything and keep it stopped. 
  • Notice your own state (whatever it is) and suspend it. 
  • Set aside your opinions and expectations. 
  • You are present to hear what the speaker has to say, not the other way around.
Actively listen 
  • Focus on the speaker. 
  • Follow and understand as if walking in their shoes. 
  • Let any ranting, raving or rambling run its course.
  • Don't agree or disagree, do encourage the train of thought.
  • Show you're listening. 
  • Be aware of what they're not saying too. 
  • Actively (and concisely) respond to questions and directions.
  • Use your body position (e.g. lean forward) and attention to encourage the speaker and signal your interest
  • "Thank you."
    • "I love you."
    • Don't tell your side. 
    • Do not discuss or solve problems raised. 
    • Don't rush off. 
    • Give the speaker time and space for rest after talking. 

    (For more, do a web search, is a goodie).
    (I put something like this in the comments of another post but would like it to be able to find it more easily than that). 


    Blogger Karen said...

    Things are better... I read him "How I became a Pirate" last night, in which a young lad goes off to be a pirate and it's great because he doesn't have to do anything, but then he misses his bedtime stories and cuddles etc cos pirates don't do that stuff... I teased J that maybe he was becoming a pirate and he got quite upset... then explained that he wasn't a pirate he was a human, but sometimes he was "naughty" because he didn't get enough time [with Daddy I think]
    So yes.. some grief... current bout started when N was sick and cancelled seeing them for the week with no notice. I think also boundary testing...because... well at home, we have some, and you can't hit people or throw furniture and toys at them, and Mummy won't give in and give you stuff in response to bad behaviour and tantrums :)
    Having some luck (though it's frustrating when in a hurry to get to work, or tired and needing to put T to bed) with just stopping whatever I'm doing and picking him up and sitting down holding him pretty firmly and saying "we're having quiet time now" and sitting there until he starts talking to me reasonably... since conventional time out not working cos he runs away and laughs at me...
    Some of it has been simple exhaustion because he has been keeping himself and T awake until late and then T is waking early and making lots of noise... and as I get more exhausted it becomes more obvious that he is achieving button-pushing, which must be satisfying, but also scary... and... I can see the cycle... must go to bed soon to get less tired and help break the loop! He went to bed at a more normal time tonight, which will help.

    9:41 PM  

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