Monday, April 23, 2007

Geeks on dates. Does a geek like you?

Three: Does a geek like you?
(For geeks and non-geeks who are wondering whether a geek likes them).

Animals have various methods of attracting mates. We geeks, like the rest of you people, are animals. The peacock who wants you to want him will shimmy his tail, the firefly who wants you to want her will light her gorgeous green abdomen. We geeks might fancy the socks off you and not say or do anything unequivocal, but we will focus on you, give you our ideas, take your ideas seriously, and display our charms.

If a geek likes you then we'll

Pay you attention:
  • inventing elaborate ruses to be where you are
  • looking at your shoes when other people are talking
  • googling you, looking you up in the white pages, looking at your house by satellite photo, finding the party photos someone posted from before
  • teasing you, fucking up and insulting you, and then over-apologising.

We'll give you presents (note: ideas and kindnesses are as good as goods to geeks)
  • lending you stuff
  • bringing you odd facts from the internet
  • extending your understanding of our favourite things
  • suddenly embarking upon our favourite rant when conversation flags
  • emailing you mp3s (we used to make you mixed tapes but times have changed)
  • doing stuff for you; fixing your computer, changing your fuses and proof-reading your essays.

We'll take you seriously
  • quoting you online and in conversation
  • linking to your website
  • arguing hard
  • teaching you how to do stuff yourself

We'll show off our smart maths brains, our clever words, we'll make up castles in the air and do our tricks for you. We'll display our every bizarre talent
  • doing magic tricks and sleights of hand,
  • playing mumblety-peg with our pens and breathing fire,
  • spinning discs and doing back-flips,
  • climbing trees, rocks, and statues,
  • inventing doggerel on the spur of the moment,
  • quoting entire Monty Python skits,
  • amazing you with our trivia,
  • astounding you with our google-fu,
  • making up possible worlds for your enjoyment,
and then we'll dither dither dither dither dither dither dither dither dither dither, and possibly suddenly come alarmingly to the point:
Philosophy Geek: "You've not been on the bbs lately."
Computer Geek: "Mm. I've been spending more time in the real world. Would you like to do something sometime?"
Philosophy Geek: "I rather like sex."
Computer Geek: "Oh. Ah. Um. I'm a virgin."
Philosophy Geek: "Do you want to be?"
Computer Geek: "No-oo. I guess not."
but probably not.

So if there's a geek all over your email, dislocating their shoulders at will, helping you out with stuff and arguing hard with you, take a moment and work it out; do you fancy them, like them, and think they're an equal (or better)? Because that geek could probably be your geek if you want.



Blogger RincewindTVD said...

It's funny and sadly true :/

1:05 PM  
Blogger Stephanie said...

Useful advice _and_ laugh out loud funny, except that now I'm wondering if that example conversation was really had by someone.

I can't wait for the "Care and Feeding of your Geek" maintenance section.

3:32 PM  
Anonymous Adrexia said...

finding the party photos someone posted from before

That is an impressive photo. I had to go look at the rest of the albumn.

Everyone looks so young, and so very much like they are living in the 80's. Not much of a coincidence I know, but still funny. :D

7:07 PM  
Blogger Susan Harper said...

r: Sad but true; high praise. Of course you are one of the people I have been following around and taking notes about.

s: Thank you. And yes, real words in the real world.

a: Wow, so you could tell that NML is milites lacking a couple of decades? I've been told but I find it hard to see.

11:34 PM  
Anonymous Karen said...

It is soooo disturbing to read about my behaviour like this... the teasing, fucking up and over-apologising especially made me laugh!!

2:57 PM  

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