Thursday, April 19, 2007

Geeks on dates. Not being creepy.

Two: Not Being Creepy.
(For geeks wishing to start relationships with geeks or non-geeks).

Okay, so you've met someone somewhere and you fancy them, like them and you want them to be your partner.

Oh, come on, be honest; that is what you want, I know that you can't lose if you don't play but you know that you can't win either. How about we put it this way: you would be really pleased if it turned out that they would like to be your partner. Remember that bit about letting the other person make their own call about their own stuff? Okay.

Have you talked to them yet? Do so. Pretend, for a moment, that their very presence does not turn you into a craven worm. Pretend they're not the sunshine of your love. Come on, work with me here people, you've role-played at least once, right? Pretend that the person is a person and you are already friends with them and you like listening to them talk. Great. Now talk to them. Say "Hi, I'm Susan." Don't say "I've looked your house up on the city council website, is that a shed or a sleep-out out the back?"

Don't sidle. Don't touch your penis if you have one (not even a little bit). Don't talk about primary or secondary sex characteristics. Don't do their half of the conversation (no matter how many times you've done this scene in your head). Showering is good (before rather than during), and wash your clothes every so often.

Compliments and observations about the world are best delivered briefly and with sincere enthusiasm. The first moment of interaction is not a good time to compliment people's body parts or complain about evils you have suffered.
"Great boots!"
"Great talk!"
"Isn't it a fabulous day!"
"Aren't the little potato-top pies just the bees knees?"
"Wow! I've not seen the Nelson Lakes from the air before."
You may tell the other person what you see in them, why you want to get to know them better. But it might be wise to wait a few minutes. For now, just have a chat. If it helps, you can even imagine you're typing (but keep your fingers still if you can).

Being creepy won't help but not being creepy won't solve everything. I'm afraid there just are people who don't fancy or even like you. And worse, there are people with other problems with the obvious progression of your relationship toward Happily Ever After, for example,
  • Some people only want to know people they already know.
  • Some people will sit there making conversation like a ping pong rally and rejecting all comers until their perfect partner drags them off by the hair and even then they're dubious about the whole thing.
  • Some people don't want to meet people wherever it is that you are or under the circumstances that you met.
  • Some people have a system or rules they expect courtship to follow. They want a male to ask a female out at least five days in advance, they don't want to have sex until the nth date (where n is some value assigned by a formula and less for the male than the female), they want anniversary gifts and things to happen that look like the movies look. They don't want geeks; if we wanted stringent and contrived rules in our personal relationships we'd have been popular in our teens. We have our computers to programme if we want rules followed.



Blogger Alasdair said...

Just on the note of Morgue liking your "geeks on dates" posts... he himself had a very good summary on his blog a year or two ago.

3:43 PM  
Blogger morgue said...

Blimey... I did too. Forgot completely about that.

Although that was about "humans" not "geeks".

...unless you mean this one...

6:49 PM  
Blogger RUTH said...

How long did it take for Sean to notice you were creepy?

8:26 PM  

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